Everyone always kicks my ass
The deli man vaulted over the counter
Everyone always kicks my ass
Everyone always kicks my ass
In the YMCA pool, I was struck
From the depths
Everyone always kicks my ass
Everyone always kicks my ass
For example: former Boston mayor Tom Menino
In the Children’s Museum
With Hulk Hands on
They didn’t make him stronger
They actually softened the blows
But the blows had a lot of force
behind them
to begin with
thanks to
the indomitable spirit of Boston
Everyone always kicks my ass
Everyone always kicks my ass
I visited Vatican City
And it was just like in Inception
When abruptly everyone stops what they’re doing
And turns
Everyone always kicks my ass
Everyone always kicks my ass
A friend will walk up all smiles
Arms out, they’re so happy to see me
At last I am safe
At last
And that’s when they come at me
From above
Everyone always kicks my ass
Everyone always kicks my ass
I must give off a vibe
or a pheromone
that signals to the sign twirler outside Cricket Wireless
hey
buddy
hurl your sign at this guy
like a boomerang
Everyone always kicks my ass
Everyone always kicks my ass
What everyone does is,
They always kick my ass
Everyone always kicks my ass

And at the end of the day
I throw my keys in the bowl
I spit my loose teeth into the bowl
I sniff my sleeping wife
Cuffed to the bedpost so she cannot kick my ass
Much like Odysseus
I shut the door to my study
And I go about the solemn, solitary work
Of kicking my own ass